Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
