If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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