he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
