Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
