I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
