Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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