Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
