The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
