I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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