I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You made out with two different species that night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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