oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
