theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
