I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
