Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
