I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize