I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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