Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
