Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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