let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
