You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
