don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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