I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
