Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
