Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
COCAINE IS GR8
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
