Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
