you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
