Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
