I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
