hell yes lets make some ravioli
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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