I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize