you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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