The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
