Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
