and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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