I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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