you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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