He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
