k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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