Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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