he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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