i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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