so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
