You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
