i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
