What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
