So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
