Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
