He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
