If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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