grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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