I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
