if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
