8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
