She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
