I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
