the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
