I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
