I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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