i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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