I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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