So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
