you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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