A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
