I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
