If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
