Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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