I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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