I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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