Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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