Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
