mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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